[KING'S CORNER] Crouch End (2006)

Crouch End - King's Corner Review

Welcome to King's Corner. A recurring series of reviews based on the film and TV adaptations of Stephen King's novels and collections, reviewed and released in order of the original source material publishing date.

Director: Mark Haber

Starring: Claire Forlani, Eion Bailey, Linal Haft, Eva Lazzaro, Ryan Sheldrake

Written by: Kim LeMasters

Produced by: Jefffrey M. Hayes, John J. McMahon

Cinematography by: Ben Nott

Original Score by: Jeff Beal

Synopsis:

An American couple in London gets lost in an abandoned part of the city where a terrifying Lovecraftian dimension seeps into our own.

Thoughts:

In the 1960’s a young Stephen King came across a paperback called 'The Lurking Fear and Other Stories by H.P. Lovecraft'. It was a formative moment for the writer as he talked about it in his book 'Danse Macabre' saying, “Lovecraft. . . opened the way for me as he had done for others before me.... it is his shadow, so long and gaunt, and his eyes, so dark and puritanical, which overlie almost all of the important horror fiction that has come since.” That shadow looms large over so much of King’s work. When we think of the horrific revelations at the end of 'Revival' or the inter dimensional creatures of 'The Mist' our mind immediately turns to Lovecraft. There are plenty of other examples of Lovecraft’s influence in his work but perhaps his most Lovecraftian tale to date is his short story, 'Crouch End'. 

Taking its name from the North London district in England, the story was originally published in the short story collection 'New Tales of the Cthulhu Mythos' in 1980 before being added to King’s collection of stories, 'Nightmares and Dreamscapes' in 1993. It follows an hysterical American woman called Doris who is trying to report the disappearance of her husband Lonnie after a harrowing trip to Crouch End where they encounter a cosmic being beyond their comprehension. The idea for the story is believed to have stretched back to the late 70’s when King and his family lived in England for 3 months. One evening King and his wife Tabitha were invited to dinner at Peter Straub’s house in Crouch End but got lost along the way, which planted the idea of what would become King’s short story. 

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Fast forward several decades later and the story was selected to be adapted as part of the 'Nightmares & Dreamscapes: From the Stories of Stephen King' television series. It was the second episode of the series and had a tough act to follow with the series best, 'Battleground' which opened the series on the same night on 12 July 2006. When you look at the list of potential stories to adapt from the 'Nightmares and Dreamscapes' collection, 'Crouch End' seems like a popular choice (especially if you listen to the terrific audiobook reading by Tim Curry) but unfortunately things did not work out that way. 

In what is not just the worst episode of the series but possibly the worst adaptation of King’s work to date, the warning signs are there from the opening shot. When you read it, the story is very English in terms of the description of the locations, the vernacular of the characters and the overall atmosphere of the piece but right away in the show you can tell the police station is nothing like one in London (given my years of experience on the matter from watching episodes of The Bill), it feels very American (even though the episode was shot in Australia) and the accents of the locals are so bad you wouldn’t mistake them for being a fellow chimney sweeps working alongside Dick Van Dyke in 'Mary Poppins'. This issue of production design stretches beyond the police station and towards the titular location (which for some reason contains a garden with giant palm leaves which is quite unusual for North London as well as road markings you would not find anywhere in the UK). 

As bad as this sense of location is, the actual manner in which the episode is shot is (arguably) worse. When we meet the central American couple Doris (Claire Forlani) and Lonnie Freeman (Eion Bailey) you would almost think it was the beginning of a Hallmark movie with the dead soft lighting which offers a flat visual palette. It may be used to instil a sense of normalcy before a descent into madness and terror but it is just plain dull. The visuals don’t improve once they reach the dreaded neighbourhood of Crouch End (which looks like a boring suburb here) as Mark Haber’s way of telling the viewer that things are no longer what they seem is to mute the colours, shrouding the episode in grey and employing the use of Dutch angles and editing techniques that come across as a horrible cross between 'Saw' and an episode of 'Are You Afraid of the Dark?' It numbs the tension and sense of mystery to proceedings making the episode drag its feet throughout. 

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The performances match this level of effort too. Whilst the London accents of the characters outside of the main two actors border on parody that take you out of the story, the rest of the performance around it don’t work either as no life is injected into it at all. This isn’t limited to the supporting cast as the central performances leave a lot to be desired. They go through the motions with their cringeworthy dialogue in the opening scenes and you don’t buy for a second that they are a couple as they exhibit zero chemistry throughout. There is nothing likeable (or unlikeable for that matter), they simply just exist to show you what lurks in 'Crouch End' and early in the episode you question why you should care. 

What dwells there though is possibly some of the worst CGI you’ll see in any King adaptation. It is on a level that would make 'The Langoliers' blush with embarrassment. There is the “frightening” image of a cat with half a face that looks like a cutscene from the PS1 version of 'Resident Evil' and one scene containing a whirlwind into the void at the entrance of a tunnel where various computer generated cut outs move toward it like the motion of a graphic in a Powerpoint presentation are laughable. Towards the end of the story Lonnie meets his doom at the end of the tentacled Lovecraftian deity Shub-Niggurath in a sequence that draws humour and confusion thanks to how it is realised on screen instead of any inkling of terror. 

'Crouch End' is one of King’s best stories from the 'Nightmares and Dreamscapes' short story collection. It has a sense of mystery and dread that is found in all great pieces of cosmic horror. The adaptation though feels like a shrugged shoulder response to this with no sense of care being given to the material from any department in front of or behind the camera. This leads to a shoddy piece of work that is a difficult watch for all the wrong reasons. 

Verdict: ⭐️

-Joseph McElroy